I think I have stumbled upon the perfect dating situation. Yes, it allows me to fart in my bed. In fact I just did.
Maybe my picker is broken. I just love bad boys. I thought I wanted a good man, but then I got reacquainted with a good ole' bad boy and I am so happy about it. A 36 year old woman who has already been married twice, obviously has lessons to learn about relationships. I'm not saying this is going to be the perfect relationship or the perfect man, but it is a great situation.
To be honest this is the man that started the whole fart in my bed phrase (see July 4th post). I've known him on and off for 16 years. Dated a friend of his, seen him around town. I have had such a crush on him I would get all giddy and my voice rose about three octaves whenever I saw him. We reconnected, talked on the phone once, and I thought I would rather be able to fart in my bed than have to put on visiting manners for that man. But he persisted and I realized I didn't want what I thought I wanted.
This summer I have fallen in love with being a single mom. I love parenting my kids alone, making all the decisions, not having to worry about another person, just soaking up these kids and making our life about each other. I realized, I don't want to build a life with another adult. I want to build this life with my beasties and when they are old enough to start building their own lives I'll decide then if I want a partner.
When I had found peace in singleness in walks the man (ain't life a bitch?). We talked, we flirt, we set a date. What is Queenpin doing? The first date was like a Quentin Tarrentino film with no violence. Smoky room, sketchy characters, shifty eyed roommate, and low lights. I had a blast. I know it sounds crazy, but I realized that this is going to be a complete mama thing. No kids allowed. The man has no interest in meeting my babes and I wouldn't have this tattooed Harley cat around my sheltered little beasties anyway. I don't need that role filled.
I have good men in my life. My first husband and I go to lunch, email, and he helps me with big projects. I also have a rent-a-husband who dog sits for me and does small odd jobs around the house. My kids know these men and love them. We have great dads in our neighborhood that love the beasties and will teach them about good fathers, and good men. We have Yoyo, my mom's boyfriend who is a wonderful grandfather to my kids. He will teach these kids about commitment.
I have had to redefine what family means and what I want in my life. It is pretty nice just the way it is, but I guess I was missing something. That part that made me feel like a woman. I didn't know I was missing it until I kissed someone new and rediscovered it. Hello little lady, been awhile.
This man and I see each other one night a week. That's it. We text and talk on the phone during the week, which is fun and exciting, but not too time consuming. For six nights I get my bed to myself, or share it with a beast or two. One day a week I wax, shave, put on Victoria Secret underwear, and head out. The next morning I return home tired and giggly. Ready for another week.
I'm willing to enjoy this until it fizzles out. I was startled the other day by how perfect my life is at this moment. I had to stop, take a breath and savor it. I'm a Buddhist, I get that it's temporary. I'm just gonna try to enjoy this part until it turns into something else.