My wusband and I cannot seem to get divorced. It is not because there is any chance in hell that we will reconcile (Thank you Buddhas). It is that we cannot agree on anything, and especially because he is a nut. I am going to try not to get into his side of things too much because we all know everyone has their own story, but on my side he is a nut and I am just trying to do what is right for my kids.
On November 4th it will be three years since he left me with our one year old daughter and 4 year old son. You would think that in that time we would have made some progress. Or at least that I would stop being completely manipulated by his sly ways, but somehow I cannot not get sucked into it. What is the difference between being compassionate and just being plain stupid?
I spent my day today fighting with him and having fits of tears because once again I am accepting that he is a shitty dad and he will not change, until he's nice again and promises to be a better dad and then I believe it all over again. It is the never ending ending. The never ending cycle of us.
My kids suffer the most from my ridiculous choice of father for them. After the wasband left someone told me about a movie with Chevy Chase when he is driving behind a truck and all this toxic waste dumps on him and changes him into a different person. Often I am tempted to tell my children that this is what happened to thier father, "...and he was never the same again, but its not your fault, it is the toxic waste."
I wish I could believe that, but I know what is true, he is who has always been and who I chose not to see. I've got to get my vision checked because this Queenpin cannot take one more year of in the process of divorcing! Plus one of my friends wants to throw me a divorce party and every Queenpin Mama deserves one of those.