The other night I went into the kitchen and screamed! A full blown, I'm being stabbed scream. I was being stabbed by motherhood. The Queenpin was having a moment of FREAK OUT. If I had had a good rubberband gun I would have lined up all the baby dolls and Transformers and shot them in their beady eyes just to take someone else down. Just to watch someone else feel beaten.
Friday nights I am so tired, but this Friday no one would sleep. I would get one down and another would pop up. My son was up at this moment. Whimpering. And then crying. And then squealing. And then I screamed. And then I went to the porch for a smoke.
I was furiously puffing away, leaving some crazy mom vent for my sister on her voicemail when my kid came out and said, "Mom, I know what will make you feel better."
"What?" I growled like some rabid wolf.
"Om Tara Tu Tara Ture Soha"
My heart broke, my shoulders sagged and I said, "I'll be in in a minute and lay down with you, baby."
That mantra is to the female Buddha Tara. She is the protector of animals and children and she is my guru. It is the mantra I sing to my children when I put them to bed. It is the mantra I have taught them to say to themselves when they need soothing. It is the prayer we say when when we want to send blessings to someone.
That kid. He knows how to melt my heart. May be this is working. May be I'm teaching them about prayer and Buddhism, even when I'm screaming, smoking, and being rabid. Buddha teaches in the most mysterious ways. It's a super dirty trick to use a kid, but very effective.