My Sweet Escape

I haven't really ever written about my man because I can't figure out how to. But I want to because he is an important part of my life. He's a big part of my adventure, and he has made me more adventurous in many ways. I call him my sweet escape because that's what he is.  He is ice cream in the middle of the night, or dark chocolate with red wine. He is a break from my every day. He helps me remember that in the midst of motherhood and Sassy Queenpiness, I am a woman too.  A sexy, wanted woman who has a shoulder to lay her head on if she needs it, an ear to listen if she requests it, and a luscious body to curl up next to once a week.

When I least expected it, into my life he came and now over a year later we're still figuring it out. It has by no means been easy, this navigation of uncharted waters. This sailing solo, yet tied together. It gets messy and neither one of us is an easy person to be with, but amazingly it is what I want.

I'm going to leave out the struggles of us in this post and just write about why it works. If you're a curious person peruse my postcards and you'll see the whole relationship laid out. My struggle with accepting it for what it is. My blindness to seeing that I had called him to me, because with him I can be independent and raise my kids, yet still have the satisfaction and excitement that comes from a relationship.

When I let go of the dream of what I thought my life was and started creating a life I could never had dreamed up, when I accepted that I was Alice through the looking glass, and that there was no rhyme or reason to this crazy path I was on I began to really enjoy my man, and he felt free to enjoy me. Both as we are.

He is my dark secret that is sweetly just mine. I don't write about him and there are few people that I talk to about him. During the week when I have my beasts my man and I text a lot and talk on the phone once or twice. We agree that he is just for me, and he doesn't come around the beasts. On my one or two nights a week when my beasts are with their dad I head to my man's house and we hardly see the light of the day. Nope, we don't go out. We curl up. We talk, we laugh, we fight, we cook for each other, and we love to eat. We watch tons of movies and listen to good music. We lay in bed. We veg. We spend the week missing each other and waiting for the one night we get to dive into each other.  Most nights when we are together we just soak each other up. I sit next to him, curled up and breath in his scent. He thinks I'm creepy, thank goodness he's into creep. We do not agree on politics or religion, but we agree on spirit and compassion.  And because of all of this I am deeply tied to him. He is my friend.

After being married, and being so committed to the dream of a nuclear family it is strange to find so much peace in once a week lovin'. It is freeing to be with someone who is not intimidated by my independence, or threatened by my relationship with my friends. It is empowering to parent my beasts with my village, but know in the end the decisions are mine. My man's & my relationship works with my journey down the rabbit hole. He is my Mad Hatter, my Cheshire Cat; nonsensical and delicious. Supporting me as I continue to find my own way.