Peaceful Mama....?.....

In the parenting books this is how it looks:

The mother sits in the center, legs crossed in her meditation pose. Hands resting quietly in her lap. There is actual light radiating from her heart. This mama is so peaceful, so loving, so compassionate. She is flanked on either side by her beasts. The beasties both sit as peaceful as she. Eyes closed, faces frozen in masks of supreme peace. Light radiates around the two little angels. Their perfect mama is teaching them how to meditate. It is family bliss.

For the rest of the day if they have conflict with each other it is addressed in a peaceful way. They talk about feelings and love in soft voices. There is nirvana oozing out of their eyeballs. 

This is how it looks in real life:

I sit on my meditation pillow and set my timer for 15 minutes. Little Beastie comes down and stands beside me, "I want to meditate too, Mommy."

"Okay, sweetheart. Come sit right here." I pat the space beside me.

"BIG BEAST," Little Beasts yells up the stairs, "MOMMY AND I ARE MEDITATING." Silence from upstairs.  Little Beasts settles into her meditation pose. I remind her to focus on her breath.

We breathe. I focus on my heart chakra. I have been working on opening it. Little Beast begins to shuffle, hitting my thigh with hers each time she moves. Back to breath, I remind myself at each impact. 

Clunk, thunk, clunk, clunk. Down into the basement trudges Big Beast. "Little Beast and I are meditating. You are welcome to sit, but you must be quiet."

"I already have my pillow." He beams at me and holds up a throw pillow from our couch.  He then sits. We refocus. My heart chakra is not feeling like it's opening. I believe I have lost the combination to the lock. I breathe. 

Shuffle, shuffle, stifled giggle, bump mommy, bump mommy, slide, shuffle, bump. I open my eyes. "You know what?" I say in a tight lipped exasperated tone, "This is my meditation time. I just don't think it's a good time for us to meditate together. If you want to meditate with mommy later that will be better. AFTER I've had my time to myself, and not at bed time either." Both beasts began to protest, "ONE," I began the count, "TWO!" They quickly gather themselves up and start to head up the stairs.

I close my eyes, I focus on my heart, I wait for compassion to flow in, "MOOOOOOOOM-MMMEEEEE!" Little Beasts wails, "BIG BEASTS HIT MEEEEEEEEEEE!"

And then it happened, I snapped, "SHUUUUUUTTTT UP!" I yelled. Gasp. I never say shut up! I don't even let me kids say it. I could just imagine the beasts' faces, eyes as big as apples, mouths hanging open. "Go upstairs and give me some peace." I said quietly. I sagged on my meditation pillow. I closed my eyes. I found my breath. 

BEEEEEEEEEEEEEPPPPPP! Times up. My meditation timer signalled the end of my peaceful meditation. 

I laughed. I stood up way more pissed off than when I sat down, and then I started my day in the real world.