My least favorite month of the year is here, September. Imagine me saying that like Newman said Seinfeld's name, or with a grimace on my face, expelling a wad of spit afterward. I detest September. September is the month when the many good things in my life come together and create a gang war.
Yesterday the Queenpin had to go to her sister and sob. Yesterday the Queenpin was a shitty mom. Yesterday the Queenpin thought she might cry and stab someone at the same time. Yesterday the Queenpin took advantage of one of the most important aspects of her organization, her famiglia, and more specifically her sorella (sister). Yesterday was the end of my first week back at work.
I called my sister with this opening, " I need to bitch and whine and...oh, yeah, I think I'm going to sob." and then I broke down. My first week at work. Fighting with wasband over the never ending divorce. Kidney stones returning mid-week. Having something unpleasant and unexpected happen at work. Yelling at my poor boy so bad he went and hid in his closet.
Thank the Buddhas for my sister, for the one I can completely lose it with and she doesn't judge, unless needed. She doesn't give too much advice, just enough. She listens and lets me be, and then checks on me in a few days. She has faith in me that though I lose it, I will recover and be fine.
As a Queenpin you need one person in your organization who can let you lose it. Someone who isn't so invested they become afraid when the head of the organization starts to look a little crazy in the eyeballs. For me this is my sister. I do have a lot of women that I talk to about my daily life, but when I want to wail and sob, I call my sister. She is safe.
Yesterday my sister did what she normally does. Supported me, "Sure, I'll listen", validated me, "You should have yelled, what he was doing was dangerous!", and sympathized, "I would be crazy too if I had all that going on." (She has a lot going on, she just underplays it).
After our conversation I hung up and felt a little saner. A little less like my eyeballs were spinning around in my head. And though my hair may have still been standing on end, my sister made me feel it may not have been out of fashion. Most importantly I felt like I had dumped my stuff and I could move on. My sorella was not going to call me offering solutions, she wasn't going to obsessively call and make sure I hadn't killed someone. She knows I'm not a psychopath, just a woman trying to find her way. Her faith in me humbles me and helps me have faith in myself.
This month is hell. It is a hang on, white knuckle it time, and once again the Queenpin has made it through a week and no one has gone down. Not because I am so strong, but once again I looked to my organization to get me through. This week it was specifically my sister. "There can be no situation in life in which the conversation of my dear sister will not administer some comfort to me." ~Mary Montagu Is is smaltzy to say again, I am so blessed?